mywholecry | if you want to go where they chain up the sun

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if you want to go where they chain up the sun

Shut up, I like Gossip Girl. There are specific reasons, and if I try really hard, I can compare it to some Fitzgerald novels and talk about the disillusionment of the American dream, but basically it's pretty rich kids having sex and drinking. Don't try to read the books, though, because they don't compare. And are kind of incomprehensibly awful.

(written for amory_vain in gossipgirlsanta.)

Title: if it can slow down my heart (five scenes from chuck’s suite)
Rating: R/NC17
Fandom: Gossip Girl
Pairing: Chuck/Nate
Warnings: slash, pwp, language, drug & alcohol use, angry gratuitous sex
Summary: outside the window, New York is burning into night time, and he is listening to Nate make soft, content noises as he falls asleep.
Notes: at one point, this had a plot. But I lost it somewhere around the alcohol scene.

Chuck takes a drag, and he smiles across the space between them. The motion makes Nate raise his arm in the air, so the smoke roams aimlessly, his long legs out across the sheets. Pale feet bare and straight towards the ceiling, toes curled. They haven’t really said anything yet, but he doesn’t mind.

At least, not by the next morning.

Outside the window, New York is burning into night time, and he is listening to Nate make soft, content noises as he falls asleep. He leans over the length and pulls the joint from his fingers. Presses it out on the end table without moving his eyes away.

He would never admit it, never, but he's lucky. There's not many people who can say they've had Nate Archibald in their bed.

***

"You’re such a bastard." Nate says, words tight in his mouth as he digs his fingers into the front of Chuck’s shirt, sliding under the buttons. He kisses Chuck like he’s fighting him, their teeth shifting together, chests bumping.

"You kiss like Blair." Chuck murmurs, and Nate pushes him back, onto the bed.

"Don’t fucking talk about Blair."

Nate moves Chuck how he wants him, rips with trembling fingers at his clothes, and Chuck doesn’t care because he knows that he’s letting him. If he didn’t want this, Nate wouldn’t even be here right now.

When they are both bare in the sterile light of the desk lamp, staring at each other with a sudden, frightened sense of being strangers, Chuck reaches out a hand and kisses Nate as carefully as he can. A neat, practiced motion. Nate tastes like vodka, and his fingers aren’t shaking as he pulls Chuck’s body closer to him, as he presses, and fuck. . .

"We shouldn’t do this." Nate says, like a kid, a second thought.

"There are so many things we shouldn’t do, Nathaniel." Chuck whispers, and he kisses him again.

***

Sometimes, Chuck’s not really sure they’re friends anymore. They go through the same strange, twisted motions, where Chuck does something that Nate finds morally reprehensible and disappears for awhile before ending up, like always, at Chuck’s suite. They might not be like they used to be, but he always comes back for Chuck in the end.

Chuck undresses for him, lets him watch as he pulls off his clothes in the lamplight and stands in front of him with a smile, not quite shy. Nate stands up, a few feet away, watching every movement.

"Lie down." Nate murmurs, and Chuck does so with a smirk, laying on his back and parting his legs, slightly.

"Very traditional position." he says, to the ceiling.

"Don’t speak." Nate says, wryly, from farther away, and Chuck shuts his eyes and waits. A few moment later, he hears the sound of liquid against glass, and he looks up to see Nate holding an open bottle of whiskey. He leans down and holds it to Chuck’s mouth, angling it towards him so it burns down his throat, and he drinks it willingly, never letting his eyes leave Nate’s. When Nate takes it away, he gasps a little, but he doesn’t say anything. Cold fingers run down his side and then he feels the sudden splash of cold liquid, whiskey on his skin, pooling in the concaves of his hips, the dip of his collarbones.

"What. . ." he starts, but then he feels Nate’s lips on his neck, sliding down, then teeth and tongue against his skin. A startled moan, and he moves blindly, rocking his body up to meet air as Nate moves away again. Whiskey slides down his skin, soaking the sheets as Nate moves to straddle his knees, pressing with two hands to keep his hips down. His lips move against Chuck’s stomach, slowly, and Nate makes sure he can’t move as his tongue brushes the length of his cock.

Chuck bites his lip so hard that it bleeds to keep himself from crying out as a warm, wet mouth envelopes him. His vision sparks, and the room smells like sweat and alcohol and Nate, and he is acutely aware that, for all that he fucks up, he would do anything for him. His fingers find Nate’s hair, and he shuts his eyes and lets it happen.

***

"Someday," Nate says, oddly, one night, "I want to love someone unconditionally, just for one. . .one moment. Love them with no reason."

Chuck gives him a very distinct look before sliding his fingers against his cheek and pulling him in for a single, sharp kiss. Nate sighs into him a little as Chuck pulls away, shaking his head.

"You’ve been spending too much time with Dan Humphrey." he says, and Nate’s lips turn into a sudden frown, a smirk if Nate could really smirk. Later, Chuck will say he incited him on purpose, but there’s a look of surprise across his face when Nate forces him against the headboard and kisses him with teeth. This time, Chuck doesn’t let him have his way. He can see in his eyes that he’s got Nate back, and he doesn’t need to spread himself out to his every whim to keep him here. He slides his hands down the slope of Nate’s chest as he kisses him, curling his fingers around his hips and arching into him. Nate cries out, softly, softly.

"Fuck," he whimpers, eyes wide for a moment before they shut, before he lets Chuck push him back onto the bed. He works off his clothes, throwing his shirt across the room and leaving his trousers pooled on the floor. He lets his hand slide across Nate’s cock for a half moment, watching his hips lift from the mattress, before he pulls away. Nate swears and squirms as Chuck barely touches him, as he keeps him on the edge for as long as he can.

"Nothing is unconditional." Chuck says, and he moves his wrist once more so Nate cries out, sharp, and comes.

***

Nate has nightmares, and he won’t tell Chuck what they’re about, but he sleeps against his chest, fingers digging into his skin as he makes frightened, desperate noises. Chuck keeps his arms tight around him and kisses his temple when his legs move vaguely, like he’s running, soothes him with fingers in his hair.

If it was anyone else, anyone but him, he would have left by now.

Nate chokes on his name, in his sleep, and he wakes up with Chuck leaning over him.

"Dreaming about me?" Chuck murmurs, and Nate blinks.

"Don’t be flattered." he replies, then stands up. Chuck watches in silence as he dresses messily and leaves, like always.

-fin-

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holy guh. I don't even watch Gossip Girl, but GUH. When I looked up the synopsis for context on Wikipedia, it told me that Nate leads an "angst-filled life", which is enough to make me think this show is awesome. How many characters have an angst-filled life in their one sentence summary?

Still, this is sweet and hot and definitely A+. The characters really come through in the dialogue, which is impressive since it's mostly description. I am trying to think of something constructive, but all that's coming up is "I like the words" augh my brain.

ALSO regarding the fangirl, epic indie bandom that we talked about a while ago:

(Amanda Palmer:)"and i also have harboured a life-long emo crush on conor oberst." !!!

MY HEART STILL LONGS FOR REGINA/JENNY AND THERE IS NONE.

I'm not sure whether the show is awesome or whether I'm just entranced with Ed Westwick and Chace Crawford and how they're probably actually having crazy drunken sex.. But it's my weekly dose of teen drama, which I think everyone needs to keep their own life in perspective.

(Also, I love you for reading fics in fandoms that you know nothing about. Like, a lot <333)

I SO WANT TO WRITE THAT. It's all turning into a crazy indie orgy. I want Jenny Lewis and Jenny Owen Youngs and Regina Spektor and Amanda Palmer and Conor Oberst and Sufjan and possibly all of the Decemberists. And Kevin Barnes from Of Montreal having affairs with EVERYONE.

I want it so baaad. If we could get anyone interested, we should start a comm for it, but I'm not sure this extends beyond us :D

there is SO LITTLE good chuck/nate fic out there, where the characterization for the two of them is spot on and their relationship feels so right, and i can't believe i found one of the select few by just glancing at the front page of a community i'm not even a part of. ||: this is, idk, beyond good? i love the voice you have for chuck (SO MANY PEOPLE SCREW HIM UP UGH) and nate is perfect all throughout and the image of nate falling asleep in chuck's bed is just fksdjfhsd. a cross between gorgeous and wonderful and heart-wrenching all at once.

also i see your reply to the person above and i vote you write chace/ed because i ship is fksdjhf SO HARD. (8

PS gossip girl totally isn't my type of show and i have an inexplicable addiction to it too. all the people i know who love it say that they never expected to like it. (((8

ALSO I LOVE REGINA SPEKTOR.

First of all, let me say that your entire comment is made of love and sort of made my ~~life~~ day.

I'm so beyond glad that you liked this, since it's the first Gossip Girl fic that I've allowed other people to see. And Chuck is definitely one of the hardest characterizations to get down, because you have to try for equal parts awesome and asshole.

Someday, I will figure out how to write RPS about living people without hating myself, and it will totally happen. Someday.

I made the mistake of reading the first Gossip Girl novel, which kept me from the show until near the end of S1, but they're not really all that similar. It's good to know it's a guilty pleasure that other people share :D

I LOVE MAKING PEOPLE'S DAY (8

fskdjfhs yes. the first gossip girl fic i let the world witness was a chuck/blair piece and the fact that i got positive responses made me go "fdskfjdhs WHAT" and fed my ego so i know what you mean. CC:

YES. i can't bring myself to write it yet but i read it. i am such a hypocrite. (and it was actually a chace/ed fic that made me admit to myself that i shipped chuck/nate, ironically enough.)

i've read the first book too! it was really funny because i didn't even realize it was based on the book series when i downloaded the pilot for free from itunes and then my friend called to rant about how DIFFERENT it was and i was like "... OH RIGHT THIS WAS A BOOK HAHA." i actually prefer the series, in a way, mostly because i can't imagine chuck not being such an important character. (and i love youngerbrother!eric way too much to prefer the books.) i think the main reason though that despite it being so soapy and drama-ridden at times (well... all the time) people can't help but love it is that it's genuinely real and raw most of the time. i'm a degrassi twit so i was like "HAHA WHAT is this going to be filled with too much drama just like degrassi" and was so pleasantly surprised by the way they've handled everything they've worked with in the show so far.

I think the books not having this version of Eric in them is one of the big problems. I'm kind of completely in love with him, and I ship Chuck/Eric a lot more than I do Chuck/Nate, especially this season. I always have an affinity for the tiny, adorable tragic boys, though.

OH GOD YES. Such a relief after Degrassi! I actually watch it a lot more than I should, because it's like someone dies and gets an STD and has a baby every week. And Gossip Girl has had ridiculous moments, but the show as a whole has really managed to be sort of mature.

fksjhdfsd THAT IS ONE THING i am unfortunately not on the same page as you with ||: chuck/eric squicks me a bit and IDK WHY it just does, and it makes me a total hypocrite since i ship sam/dean from SPN like burning fksdjhfsd. I JUST DON'T KNOW. i roleplay as eric in a community and it's SO AWKWARD when my friends are all "WILL CHUCK/ERIC HAPPEN!!" and i'm like "fsdkfjhsdjfhksdjh NO PLS". but not as bad as my friend shipping him with edward cullen i guess;;

BUT YES eric is my favorite character, i just found this INCREDIBLY AMAZING 7000+ word fic completely in-depth about his time at the ostroff center and it kind of killed me.

i kind of stopped watching degrassi after they killed off JT, mostly because they changed the channel and i always forget what it is/have lost so much of the past season or two HAHA. but i remember being kind of horrified by the way they did emma's eating disorder and fksdjhf YES. SO MANY BABIES, SO MANY STDs. and then everyone dies/gets in a horrible accident/etc. i mean there are things in gossip girl that are so ridiculous, like the way serena was all "I KILLED SOMEONE" and afterwards you're like ".... seriously, serena, seriously?" but i love the humor that they mix into the topics that they tackle sometimes (chuck's whole "WHY DO YOU WEAR SO MUCH PURPLE" in the midst of his grieving and all).

I think I ship them because Chuck's always so sweet and affectionate towards Eric, like he's not with a lot of people, even with Blair (though I love Chuck/Blair, too. I don't have a lot of discretion with my shipping when it comes to Gossip Girl, because they all seem to go so well together).

This is one of the only Eric fics I've found that I really, really like, but that's probably because it has Jenny before she goes all renegade fashion designer. I sort of miss the old Jenny.

They've got this whole new cast of characters, and I'm not sure I like them enough to keep watching or not. Degrassi's just how I fill up my free time, because it's apparently never not on television.

that's the exact reason i don't ship them fdskjhf HAHA! idk i got a really strong vibe from chuck that the reason he's so incredibly sweet (and understanding and accepting, since he was the first person eric voluntarily spoke to about being gay) is because eric is truly the brother he never got to have. plus i think chuck is just natesexual and blairsexual and hookersexual and anything else he can't fuck. (8

OOHFSDKSHD THAT WAS SO CUTE BAWW and so eric-y. HERE, this (http://them0rgue.livejournal.com/63216.html)is the one i mentioned, though like i said, it's like 7000 words long and i rarely have the attention span for that. it's really amazing, and seeing as how the most of eric we've had has been post-ostroff and more well-adjusted, it's an incredible way to see eric. AND it seems in character!

that's what i heard! and i saw one episode and it was about them, idk, having some in-school overnight fasting thing and someone ordered pizza and the girls were bitchy at each other - and instead of seeming like new characters that fit into the show, it really felt like, i dunno, HAHA, the mini upper east siders that whined at dan in the candy store or the mini mean girls at the end of the mean girls movie.

I think Chuck is just Sexual :D

THAT FIC. Oh, it was perfect. I loved that it sort of justified Eric's relationship with Asher, which has sort of bothered me. They need to give Eric more backstory and more screentime, because he's the most endearing character on the show. Or, at least, the one least likely to stab you in the back.

That's basically what Degrassi is reduced to, though there's a new sexually confused football player who holds some potential. (Also, I LOVE THE MINI UPPER EAST SIDERS. They need to come around and harrass Dan more often, because it makes me happy. I loved the look on his face when they came at him.)

CHUCK IS INCREDIBLY SEXUAL. like i don't normally go "OMG I WANT TO BONE THAT GUY" or whatever when it comes to. people in general. but chuck, man fsdkjhfs. ANYONE WHO DOES NOT WANT CHUCK IS JUST WRONG.

fsdkjfhds I KNOW WASN'T IT PERFECT. it seriously broke my heart and wrenched my SOUL and fkdsjhfs. so much beautiful backstory for something we NEVER got to see and it made total sense to eric's character and the series. (8 HE SO IS. omg i love eric. i cannot even shut up about him so watch me exercise self-control and move on.

fsdkjfhds SEXUAL CONFUSION is definitely something that degrassi did decently. i really liked the same-sex relationships and sexual exploration they did (aside from emma's fail std-escapade of course). i might tune in just for that guy. C: (ALSO ME TOO even though they're obnoxious IT'S IN SUCH A CUTE WAY AAA.)

this is SO good! it feels like them, like it could exist in canon. bravo.

Thank you so much!

I liked it!

Thank you! :D

Oh I loved that! Really hot and so well done!

It seems we have the same taste I am a big Chuck/Nate fan and a HUGE Ed/Chace fan ...

That picture you posted - someone sent that to me too a few weeks ago and I had to have an icon because just...wow...

I'm new to LJ and I look forward to reading more of your writings Xx

Thank you! I'm also leary about writing sex, but it's kind of ridiculously fun once you get into it.

Ed/Chace is hot like a very hot thing. There is not enough of it, really.

(welcome to LJ! <3)

and by 'also leary about writing sex', I meant 'always leary'. I typo a lot.

Well You did a fantastic job.

Also going back to the books - I was totally disappointed in them too. I didn't think I'd like Gossip Girl the show - it's not usually my sort of thing but after a few eps I was hooked! I think that's erm...95% down to Chuck and Nate!

I am also into the idea of Eric/Chuck.

Although right now I am still stuck right on RPS Ed/Chace and think I will be for a long time..

Thanks for the welcome!
Can I add you for a friend please?

Eric/Chuck is pretty much my happiness.

Of course! I'll add you back.

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if you want to go where they chain up the sun

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